Tiger Mother

So have any of you read the Wall Street Journal article about the upcoming book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"?

Well, this article took the most controversial bits of Amy Chua's book and added a title which was sure to reel the fish in: "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior"! Amy Chua's PR people did their job well, as the article caused havoc throughout the world!

Any parent or anyone who plans to be a parent must read this article here. After which, you should read this one from Time which takes a neutral stand and looks at the pros and cons of both methods of parenting. It is all very eye-opening indeed!

So what are we talking about? Basically, Amy Chua has exposed the strict Chinese method of parenting which some might call impressive, as it produces high achievers, while others declare it bordering on child abuse and claim it produces children with low self-esteem.

The relaxed western style of parenting however seems to produce creative individuals, yet there is too much mollycoddling that children become very emotionally fragile and also do not realize their full potential.

So which parent are you? The 'Chinese' one or the 'western'? I think Hubby and I like a balance between the two. We did not want our children to go to Chinese syllabus schools because their methods are too rigid and there is no room for creativity. It would have been great if they could be bilingual, but we didn't think it would be worth sacrificing their creative spark.

Here is an example from Sis no.2 whose eldest daughter went to Chung Hua No.1: there was a question on her test paper and the answer was "forest". So when she wrote "jungle" it was marked wrong. It didn't matter that they both meant the same thing! It was just not what the teacher wanted.

This reminds me of when we took 'Pendidikan Moral' back in secondary school. Questions about morality are so subjective and there are so many right answers, not just one. But we had to try and read the minds of the examiners to guess which one they actually wanted from us. It was a seriously ridiculous subject!

However, I still do believe that children need to be pushed otherwise they will never be all that they can be. We only have one life to live, and we should of course put our best into everything we do. Children however, do not look so far ahead. All they can think of is their next candy bar. We as their parents have the responsibility of bringing them to greater heights. And if this means 'forcing' something on them, then so be it.

Every parent knows the all-too-familiar scenario of a child begging for piano lessons one week, only to end up crying the next because she does not like them anymore! If it were up to the kids, they would never see anything through.

Like Amy Chua says, they will only enjoy something when they are good at it. So it's up to us to push them through to that stage, but always of course with methods within reason.

I found this to be very true when Annie first started going for Kumon maths classes. The Kumon method is all about practice, practice and more practice. Kumon students have to do repetitive maths exercises everyday, even if they are sick or on holiday! Initially, Annie enjoyed the work. Then, when it got harder, she would cry and ask to quit, and then get angry with me for forcing her to continue. This happened many times.

Well, she is now doing algebra, although she is only 9 and she loves all the praise she gets from her teachers and family when they see how fast she solves maths problems. Now that she is experiencing some difficulty with her algebra and I am not very satisfied with the lack of guidance from the teachers, I suggested that she had done enough and it was time to quit. However, she has informed me that she does not want to quit, as she wants to continue being better than all her classmates when it comes to maths and is targeting the Kumon gold medal, which will mean she is three years ahead in her work! (I will give her another month at Kumon, if there is not much progress, I think the time would be better spent on something else)

So anyway, reading about how 'evil' Amy Chua was as a mother makes me feel much, much better, as I'm a pussycat mum compared to her! I also thought my own mum was strict... but no, nowhere near... Sometimes when we discipline our kids and force them to do things they do not like, we do feel guilty and wonder if we are doing the right thing. I suppose there is no real right or wrong, just as long as we do not physically or emotionally/ psychologically abuse our kids, I guess. Again, what is defined as abuse is also very subjective. I, for one, am guilty for the occasional ear-pulling and butt-smacking... I think in some countries they would be appalled!! I find that amusing (that they would be appalled, not the ear-pulling and butt-smacking)!! Hahaha....

I do of course, again, feel guilty after smacking the kids, but sometimes tough love is the only thing that works and it's for their own good! For example last night, I was assembling the house PC and the just-repaired CPU simply died out on me after all my hard work of finding the right cables and fixing the old mouse. (Electronic gadgets and I have no affinity) So I was in a worked-up mood when I went to the kitchen to find that Sidekick had mixed a dose of Solomon's antibiotics together with his dose of cough medicine before feeding it to him.

Now the story is like this, Solomon hates taking medicine, and mixing his meds only doubles the bulk, hence increasing the probability of him spitting it out! I would have given him the antibiotics first and if he didn't want the cough med, that would be okay, cause the antibiotics were more important.

So, I tried telling him nicely to take his meds, you know the usual, "Solomon good boy!, Solomon so clever!" etc...

Then we moved on to bribes... out came the lollipop and chocolates...

When that didn't work, I threatened to tell Daddy Solomon was a naughty boy...

Then I just gave up and held him down while we forced the medicine into his mouth!

Of course, he thrashed around, screaming and crying and spat everything out and that was when I blew a fuse! I shouted that he cannot spit out his medicine like that and he must still take his medicine, no matter how many times he spat it out! Then I threw the syringe into the sink. I immediately knew that I shouldn't have shown my temper like that. But do you know what? When I gave Solomon his antibiotics again, right after, he swallowed it down quietly. There was not a peep or a tear! Even this morning, he took it without fuss!

I think we have just been spoiling them. Being a pharmacist, I have heard of so many customers complaining that  their child cannot take medication orally, no matter what they tried! They were at their wit's end. I think we just have to be a bit tougher with them that's all. Sidekick says when they were kids in Indonesia, their mum would make them drink papaya leaf juice!! That, I have heard is seriously super bitter! She says they take it to prevent getting sick after playing in the rain or getting sick from mosquito bites. And guess what, now there are claims that papaya enzymes are potent stuff and can cure dengue fever and maybe even help in cancer treatment! Interesting huh?

Anyway, back to parenting; so I hope I can find the right balance between 'Chinese' and 'western' parenting. I guess everyone has their own ideals. And believe you me, the ideals that we have before having kids will definitely change when we really have kids, and the more kids you have, the more they will change!! When you have 8 kids pulling at your dress and whining, let's see if you can still be the ideal 'western' mother!! 
hyuk hyuk...

So... what mother are you??